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Connecting Like Jesus ReviewConnect like Jesus? I'd love to connect half as well as Tony Campolo!
Campolo, master teacher/preacher/communicator, and Mary Albert Darling, Associate Professor of Communication at Spring Arbor University, collaborate to offer a practical, delightful, and theologically solid book
Declaring that the Kingdom of God is "A place where people are healthy, happy, and safe and everyone lives in soul-satisfying relationships," they note how too many non-Christians perceive church folks as bigoted and hypocritical, that churches are sometimes anything but the Kingdom. "It's not likely negative perceptions of Christians will change if we can't see how wrong our own harmful communications patterns are." In short, we need to connect like Jesus. Why? Because to connect like Jesus is to engage in soul healing.
Campolo and Darling pepper the book with spiritual practices designed to anchor the leader with God and better connect with others.
Building on their own education and experience, they draw from extended interviews with Mindy Caliguire, Brian McLaren, and Shane Claiborne as well as from spiritual giants such as John Wesley and Francois Fenelon.
After jointly writing the first two chapters, Ms. Darling writes the heart of the book - Practices for Soul Healing. She draws on her work with Richard Foster and Dallas Willard, sharing practices designed to help the leader love both neighbor and self and to deal with fear. For example, she identifies six crucial questions for increased self-awareness:
*How good do you think you are at seeing situations from someone else's perspective?
*Are you willing to say you are or could be wrong"?
*Do you more often than not see the negative things that happen in your life as the fault of someone or something other than you?
*Do you often cut yourself slack in situations, but do not cut others slack who are in similar situation?
*Do you have the tendency to think of other people instead of yourself when responding to any of the previous questions?
*Do you believe you are the exception who doesn't show the behavior pointed to in any of the previous questions?
She encourages the reader to use the Ignatian Prayer of Examen, exploring strengths and weaknesses in the light of God's grace. Undergirded by God's grace, the reader is led to face and overcome those fears which throw up barriers to connecting.
Sacred (prayerful) listening , i.e. listening with the help of the Holy Spirit helps break through barriers. Ms. Darling notes that asking is better than telling; questions help us really connect the other to us and also to God. Most pastors and counselors have learned the importance of powerful questions. A powerful question leads a person to significantly deeper understanding and subsequent commitment . It helps the leader enter the other's pain and brokenness.
Building on these foundation stones, Darling then moves to better ways of handling conflict, noting that the how is more important than the what. A helpful concept Darling introduces is that of "Consensus Minus One." A person can surrender veto power for the good of the order, provided he/she has the opportunity to be heard. She quotes Tony Campolo's candid assessment of how he and his wife have surmounted major differences. "We are able to maintain the dialogue in a loving relationship because each of entertains the possibility, 'I could be wrong!'"
Campolo and Darling collaborate again in an excellent chapter on the power of stories to tell the Story. They affirm the preacher's telling personal stories, but suggest that someone make sure they aren't told "too big!" (maybe a spouse?)
Campolo wraps up the book with some very helpful pointers on preaching and teaching. Emphasizing the importance of preparing oneself spiritually and intellectually, he shares what has guided his own speaking:
*knowing your audience
*getting good material
*preaching good news - through solid Bible study and studying other thinkers
*narrowing and organizing
*using appropriate humor
*practiced and passionate presentation
*letting the Holy Spirit run with you while you are preaching or speaking
*making a clear call to commitment ("If we lose this generation it will not be because we have made Christianity too difficult for them but because we have made it too easy."
As a long-time pastor now coaching pastors to be better leaders, I find this to be a most helpful book. Campolo and Darling combine a wealth of suggestions and experience. Novice pastors and teachers should spend significant time with it. Experienced pastors will find many helpful reminders.
You will be glad you read it - and spiritually refreshed if you follow the practices outlined.
Robert A. (Bob) Harris - Harris Coaching and Consulting - [...].
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